R U OK? Day: How to Ask, Listen and Support
R U OK? Day is a powerful reminder to check in on the people around us — but what happens if someone says “no”? For LGBTQ+ people in Melbourne and across Australia, conversations about mental health can feel even more complex, shaped by stigma, identity struggles, or feeling isolated. At Tribe Wellness, we believe asking “Are you OK?” is just the beginning. In this guide, we’ll share practical ways to start supportive conversations, ask open-ended questions, follow up with care, and connect friends or loved ones with resources tailored to queer mental health. Whether you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community yourself or an ally, these steps can help you feel confident reaching out and make a real difference on R U OK? Day — and every day.
Why R U OK? Day Matters
R U OK? Day is about more than just asking a question — it’s about creating space for real conversations that could change or even save a life. For LGBTQ+ communities, this day carries extra weight: many queer people face stigma, discrimination, family rejection, or isolation, which all increase mental health risk.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics’ National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing (2020-2022), LGBTQ+ Australians report significantly poorer social, emotional and psychological wellbeing than their non-LGBTQ+ peers.
How to Ask “Are You OK?”
The first step is simple, but it works best if it feels natural.
Pick a good time and place — somewhere private or comfortable.
Ask questions that are open ended: “How have you really been going lately?” or “What’s been on your mind?”
Your goal isn’t to solve everything — it’s to create a safe space where they feel heard.
What if They Say “No”?
This is the moment many people feel uncertain — these actions help:
Listen fully without judgement; let them share without interruption.
Reflect back what you hear: “That sounds really hard”, “I hear how much you’re carrying.”
Ask what kind of support they want: “Would it help if I stayed with you, or helped you find someone to talk to?”
Keeping the Conversation Going
Support doesn’t end after the first check-in. Small, sincere follow-ups matter.
Send a message in the days after: “I’ve been thinking of you — how are you now?”
Invite them to something gentle — a walk, a cup of tea, a quiet catch-up.
Remind them they’re not alone: having someone who listens can make a real difference.
Looking After Yourself Too
Supporting others can be emotionally draining. Your wellbeing matters just as much.
Set boundaries — know what you’re okay to take on.
Find someone you trust to debrief with — family, peer or friend etc.
Make space for rest, self-care, and your own support.
It’s OK Not to Be OK
Stigma tells us we should always appear "fine" — strong and together — but real strength is in vulnerability. Talking openly helps break down shame and isolation for everyone. If you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, know you deserve therapy that sees all of who you are, where pronouns, identity, and experience are welcomed and understood.
If you or someone you know could benefit from LGBTQ+ affirming therapy, Tribe Wellness offers confidential telehealth sessions across Australia. Learn more here.
Evidence & Context for LGBTQ+ Mental Health in Australia
Three in four (74.5%) lesbian, gay, bisexual and others (LGB+) Australians have experienced a mental disorder at some point in their life, compared with about 41.7% of heterosexual people.
Mental health outcomes are strongly tied to stigma, prejudice, discrimination and abuse experienced by LGBTQ+ people.
Ready to Feel Supported?
At Tribe Wellness, we provide LGBTQ+ affirming counselling via secure telehealth — accessible across Melbourne, Sydney, and all of Australia. There’s no waitlist, and a free 15-minute consult helps you see if it's the right fit.
If you want to chat about a therapy appointment for yourself - book a free intro call here.
Disclaimer: This blog article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your GP or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Tribe Wellness is not an emergency or crisis service. If you need immediate support or feel unsafe because you are experiencing suicidal or self-harm thoughts, please contact Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467, Beyondblue 1300 22 46 36 or Lifeline 13 11 14. For emergency help, call 000.